This Just In: Google Pretends to Do Something Innovative Again

Blow the Trumpets: Google’s Attempted Shiny New Thing

So, the geniuses over at Google, with their unlimited coffee supply and bean bag chairs, decided to kick off their Cloud Next conference by declaring innovations for BigQuery, a tool designed to make data management less mind-numbing than watching grass grow. Apparently, they’ve implemented new features to “simplify” how teams work with data. I guess it’s about time they realized the current process is as straightforward as solving a Rubik’s Cube with oven mitts on.

What This Nonsense May Imply

Now, in the highly unlikely event that Google’s claim isn’t just another smoke and mirror trick, this could actually have implications for the future of data management. Heaven forbid, businesses might find it slightly less excruciating to manage vast amounts of data through BigQuery. The “innovations,” or whatever Google decides to label their adjustments, might even foster collaboration and efficiency among teams, making their job slightly less soul-crushing.

My Scalding Hot Take on This Yawn-Fest

Alright, enough with the niceties. Let’s cut to the chase: Google, just like your aunt who thinks she’s trendy because she bought a new smartphone, is just trying to keep up with the times. This “innovation” they’re flaunting is probably just a desperate attempt to stay relevant in a rapidly-evolving field. I mean, sure, simplifying data management might make life marginally less miserable for some unlucky souls. But let’s not pretend Google is some white knight rescuing us from the dragon of complex data management. They created the dragon, now they’re patting themselves on the back for giving us a toothpick to fight it with.

Original article:https://venturebeat.com/data-infrastructure/google-reveals-bigquery-innovations-to-transform-working-with-data/