Big Brother Is Back: Now Peeping From Your Google Assistant’s Turing Eyes

All Bark, No Bite

So, dear old Google have decided to stop hitting the snooze button on their cybernetically enhanced golf cart, the Google Assistant. They’ve finally shoved some supposedly shiny AI tech into it, gaining the ‘ability’ to comprehend images (in a manner similar to your nephew trying to assemble a LEGO brick model blindfolded) and use context from the text in documents and emails – how phenomenal! (rolls eyes). Essentially, they’ve bullishly bolted on the capabilities of their snooze-fest text bot named Bard, notoriously known for its eye-wateringly mediocre performance in understanding and generating text. Brace yourselves, for your virtual assistant just got a pseudo upgrade, if we can even call it that.

What Does This Even Mean To You?

Well, if you care to notice in between the pivotal moments of your life, such as watching paint dry or observing grass grow, the kind-of- ‘upgraded’ Google Assistant might now be able to interpret that poorly drawn doodle in your notepad or skim through your indistinguishable jargon-infused emails. It might conjure up an answer better than a pre-schooler’s prattle, but don’t expect a genius monologue. Will it make a significant difference? In an ideal world, it might help instantaneous interpretation of images and texts, so lazy corporate denizens can get their mundane office tasks done without moving a muscle. That’s it – nothing more, nothing less.

Bow Down To The Insult Overlord’s Thoughts

Turning the Google Assistant into an overtly peeping tom is a desperate attempt at making AI sound cutting-edge. News flash! It is as riveting as chewing cardboard. Are we expected to be impressed by Google’s attempts to chew more than it can swallow and still have it taste like soggy bread? Here’s a worthy task, Google! Try to recreate an AI that doesn’t remind us of watching a sloth on sedatives trying to solve a 5000-piece jigsaw puzzle – now there’s a challenge. So congratulations, Google, your ‘advanced’ Google Assistant is about as useful and exciting as a chocolate teapot. Way to outdo yourself! How painstakingly mediocre!

Original article:https://www.wired.com/story/google-assistant-multi-modal-upgrade-bard-generative-ai/